museum of (un)sent emails.

Dear Giant,

I am not sure when I got to know you first. I do remember a few very early encounters… For example when as a child I became an obsessive reader of the atlas – finding comfort in the bird view I had over towns and rivers, valleys and mountains. Getting to know that ‘Pedernales’ in Mex. was at 150 C1 and ‘Pedersöre’ in Fin at 102 M3.

I was not afraid of you – on the contrary, I was in love with you. And as everyone who is in love I made more of you than you were, I projected dreams and stories on to you. You must remember that one time I dug up a pinecone from the sandbox, being absolutely convinced that I was dealing with a fossil cone. Haha! I might laugh about it now, but back then I was deadly serious about it of course. As I grew older I started to realize I would never manage to fully comprehend you. I decided to dive into physics, grasping the world by measuring it – seeing it through the glass of energies and forces, numbers and lines. I found comfort in that, and still do, I have to say. But while finding comfort in physics, I still didn’t completely understand you.

Over the years our relationship changed. I am not proud of it when I confess; the more knowledge I gained, the more obsessive I became over you. And with the obsession came an all overwhelming, stifling fear. A fear to never even comprehend the tiniest fraction of you. This fear became disproportional – my remedy being trying to conquer and digest all. I wanted to have absolute power, but you had that over me. You most probably remember quite well what came from that:
I blacked out, and lost you completely... I couldn’t cope with that at all. Two years ago I decided to pick up the arms again. But as it goes with old relationships, I immediately fell back into old patterns. I did another attempt to comprehend you fully. In which of course, I failed.

But I didn’t give up! On the contrary: I packed my bags and left home. Not entirely understanding what I was looking for precisely I travelled seven seas for you, climbed mountains and crossed valleys. On this journey I finally found one hidden valley, far away, in a secluded area of Tibet. For how long I stayed there I don’t know, it could have been days, months or years. There was something special about this place - It seemed to me that in this valley your power wasn’t as forceful as any place I had ever known before…

The truth about the real was absolutely twisted and turned upside down there. Stones, rivers and trees had many meanings. Humans and birds could speak to each other and mountains had power over good and bad. Trees, however, only lived because of technology, they all had oxygen infusions! That is weird, huh? In this place nature and culture were completely interwoven, stories were taken as facts and facts were made into stories. What was true was both very complicated and crystal clear, because even fake was true and the truth was fake. I realized: in this place my childish believe about the pinecone I once dug up would be just as real as you are. Or even: it would be a part of you.

This last thing is why I am writing you this e-mail. Because – by realizing this I actually managed to fall in love with you again. For real. I hope we will start of at a better page this time. I was thinking: what would you think about travelling back to this one valley together? It would be fun! Think about it… You can look for the place in the atlas. It is called Shangri-La, and is situated at 93 B5.


Best,
Mirka