museum of (un)sent emails.

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from: [email protected]
to: nina
subject: The Giant is
date: Jun 13, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM


The Giant is
a fight
It can only be a fight
A struggle that keeps you alive
And yet exhaust you
Day and night
Year after year
Defeat after defeat
It still stands in front of you
Calm, immaculate
Although it is made as the same flesh of us
It seems to have encountered
what we are made of
an emptiness

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from: m
to: Graduation show
subject: Gerome
date: Jun 17, 2015 at 7:00:00 AM


The machine works with sun. It focuses rays through a thick piece of glass as it slowly moves up and down the desert dunes. The focused light melts the sand right under it thus producing oval shaped pots full with liquid glass. Simple and ingeniuous, this invention was the favourite of master Gerome. Since his arrival in the desert, about 50 years ago, he had worked on many ideas, but none has been as important as this one.
Gerome's sight is damaged since his birth. His condition consists in a regular loss or distortion of his sense of shape and perspective. This changes from day to day. Sometimes he is not able to find his way back home. Especially when coming back from the closest city where he buys provisions. It is a one week walk away that leads across a giant chain of brown-red mountains.

He learned to solve his sight problem with the help of his sand melting machine. From the liquid glass he makes special lenses for his frames. He calls those “my personal perspectors”. Thus, when his vision starts defroming he changes his lenses and finds his way back home.
In the first twenty years he applied this technique but it is today in this strange morning that he tries a completely new pair of lenses. Surprisingly for him, he realises there is a totally new path through the mountains, a much shorter and convenient route. Until now, it had been impossible to climb those giants and it seemed to be his destiny to always surround them when going to the city. But now suddenly things change. The brown red mountains look small and friendly. For the first time he feels that he could move them with his bare hands.

Gerome learned so much about his sight and about the mountains that next step is to start climbing them. And he does. Every day a new try out. Maybe somewhere there he will find a water source, and he knows very well that there is no better way to polish a glass lense than with water and thin sand!

The machine works with sun and water.

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from: bram
to: giant
subject: do you know that joke about...
date: Jun 20, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM


two men walking on the street
the first one looks very worried
the second one asks
- what's wrong?
- oh, i'm on my way to my master,
i'm already studying for twenty years
and he told me i need at least twenty more
but i don't have money anymore to pay him....
- what is he teaching you?
- i'm learning how to take care of myself

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from: Signe Tørå Karsrud
to: museum
subject: Ode to the split heart
date: Jun 18, 2015 at 2:59:00 PM


the paradox of the real and the story
the contradictory truths
my own ignorance
the way things don’t add up

how strongly I still believe in the story, even as I don’t believe it

what’s it gonna take for me to believe in the real? Do I have to die?

we stumble around blindly
inside an imaginary construct of agreements
Of course we bump into each other and things, when we can’t even see them!

there is no before and after
no borders and no distinction
just temporary shifts of weight and intensities.

non-causal awareness.
every moment ends when it begins.
suffering is a consequence of believing in causality.
if there’s no continuity, there’s nothing to cry about!


And yet. YET.

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from: Balint Mark Turi
to: My Mirror
subject: Taming the Lion
date: Jun 16, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM


My dear Mirror,

I'm writing to you to thank you for helping me to find my Giant.
Though I was quite sure that I had one, I couldn't really see it before.
Through you, I can see clearly now what my Giant is.

It has been always there in the Cave.
Sometimes a growl came from the Cave and I just threw stones into the direction of it without trying to understand what the source of this terrifying sound was and if it meant something.

I was afraid.
I was afraid of this power, brutality and this will of ruling everything.

Once I looked into you, I don't really know how to explain it, maybe I got curious or maybe I already understood the message before hearing it.
Anyway, I took my time to listen to the growl and suddenly this 'noise' started to transform into words and the words created a sentence:

Don't be good, be fearless!

So I was standing there, the growl was approaching. The source of the sound stepped out from the shadow to the light.

I saw it was a Lion. My Giant is a Lion.
I realized that I was seeing this image through you, it was my reflection.
I am the Lion.

I am this fearless, strong animal. I felt his power and I let it take me.
I was running in the forest, I was hunting.
I was chasing the prey.
I was stronger and faster, thus I easily caught it and I was about to finish it with my claws.

Then I looked up and saw myself in you.
I put down my paw onto the ground with sorrow.
I was not what I wanted to be.

You hissed me not to rule by the power of the Fire that devours everything but by the power of the Water that gives life.

And I understood it.

I understood that my way of using this power is not the way of abusing it and becoming a tyrant.
I understood that the fear I have to overcome also consists of the fear of not being able to control everything.
I have to share this power and this way help others to connect to it and help one to connect to another.
And to connect to an idea, that might come from me and the responsibility of nourishing it is definitely mine, but through this connection the idea becomes a common cause.

This way, together, we can draw a Circle where real magic will happen.

With sincere love,

Your Mirror

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from: Ellenoor
to: Calvin
subject: A proposal to wear jeans on sundays
date: Jun 19, 2015 at 8:00:00 AM


Dear Calvin,

Time time time
Time time time
And it’s time time time
My love
It’s time time time

Best,
Ellenoor

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from: Nina Jan
to: Nina Jan
subject: diary of a sunny day
date: Jun 13, 2015 at 4:03:00 PM


on a sunny day i like to sit on a bench with closed eyes and watch the sun.
the aura is peaceful.
time stops for a moment.
i have time to be, without thinking.
there is no future. no past. no present.
i am with myself.
nothing is expected from me.
i also don't expect anything from anyone, specially not from myself.
i don't stress.
i don't desire.
i don't fear.
i have no direction.
this is a time to rest.

these sunny moments are rare.
most of the time i am running towards the future, fighting the dragons of fate. i need to determine what is yet to come, i am the heroine of my life, chasing promises or opportunities, one by one, none of them should escape me, each time i am more ready to chase, to catch, to overcome.
day by day, i am growing, i am becoming a skilled warrior, prepared for any situation or crisis. i am the puppeteer in power, holding all the strings, always.
until one day a string gets cut, and i am falling into the abyss with no end, I am falling and drowning and flying, and plummeting and losing myself in my own disbelief. i am failing, the structure has collapsed, there is no direction. i am alone in my dead end, the black hole, staring and laughing at me, at my own arrogance, self-confidence, madness.

on a sunny day, when for a blank second i look into the sky and smile into the sun, with my eyes closed, i am for once in harmony with all my giants - and those are many. but with one in particular: my (un)conscious self, my biggest and trickiest giant, the one that is most difficult to look into the eyes and have a proper chat with, you know, man to man, no bullshit, with a pint of beer …
The one that knows everything but doesn't want to admit much, especially things such as denial, failure or fears. Yes, the one that follows you everywhere, that drives you mad, wakes you up at night, makes you do crazy things but also moves you forward when you are ready… Yes, this one too takes a rest sometimes. On a sunny day. When the sun takes over, and looks right into your eyes, so warmly, that even the giants take a stroll towards the beach to take a dip in the sea. And while they are swimming, for a tiny moment, they forget about you too.

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from: [email protected]
to: My Giant
subject: Send me a reminder
date: Jun 13, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM


Dear Giant,

Please remind me to:

Start right on time, not too late neither too early – which ends up being the same.

Take a deep breathe every time I need to make a choice.

Look outside at least once a day.

Do the things I love and not spend too much time all the other things I need to do before.

Look inside at least twice a day.

Use art for my enjoyment, as a strategy to fulfil my personal needs.

Please myself first and then please others.

Stretch my bones from time to time.

Not to brush my teeth too hard.

Think from the joy and not to stall on the lacks,

Drink a litter of water every morning before breakfast.

Remember every single day to keep track of my goals in life. It’s ok if they change.

Get a cat someday. And a garden.

Read more novels. Watch less crap. Listen to more music (but less variety).

Keep contact with old friends.

Work on a better relationship with my family.

Find joy in the details, and only slow down or rush if it’s necessary (it’s fine if it happens. Just be aware)

If there is something you think I am missing. Please write me back.

Warm regards,

P.

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from: Mirka Duijn
to: The Giant
subject: I would like to give it a try again - maybe we should travel together?
date: Jun 23, 2015 at 2:44:00 AM


Dear Giant,

I am not sure when I got to know you first. I do remember a few very early encounters… For example when as a child I became an obsessive reader of the atlas – finding comfort in the bird view I had over towns and rivers, valleys and mountains. Getting to know that ‘Pedernales’ in Mex. was at 150 C1 and ‘Pedersöre’ in Fin at 102 M3.

I was not afraid of you – on the contrary, I was in love with you. And as everyone who is in love I made more of you than you were, I projected dreams and stories on to you. You must remember that one time I dug up a pinecone from the sandbox, being absolutely convinced that I was dealing with a fossil cone. Haha! I might laugh about it now, but back then I was deadly serious about it of course. As I grew older I started to realize I would never manage to fully comprehend you. I decided to dive into physics, grasping the world by measuring it – seeing it through the glass of energies and forces, numbers and lines. I found comfort in that, and still do, I have to say. But while finding comfort in physics, I still didn’t completely understand you.

Over the years our relationship changed. I am not proud of it when I confess; the more knowledge I gained, the more obsessive I became over you. And with the obsession came an all overwhelming, stifling fear. A fear to never even comprehend the tiniest fraction of you. This fear became disproportional – my remedy being trying to conquer and digest all. I wanted to have absolute power, but you had that over me. You most probably remember quite well what came from that:
I blacked out, and lost you completely... I couldn’t cope with that at all. Two years ago I decided to pick up the arms again. But as it goes with old relationships, I immediately fell back into old patterns. I did another attempt to comprehend you fully. In which of course, I failed.

But I didn’t give up! On the contrary: I packed my bags and left home. Not entirely understanding what I was looking for precisely I travelled seven seas for you, climbed mountains and crossed valleys. On this journey I finally found one hidden valley, far away, in a secluded area of Tibet. For how long I stayed there I don’t know, it could have been days, months or years. There was something special about this place - It seemed to me that in this valley your power wasn’t as forceful as any place I had ever known before…

The truth about the real was absolutely twisted and turned upside down there. Stones, rivers and trees had many meanings. Humans and birds could speak to each other and mountains had power over good and bad. Trees, however, only lived because of technology, they all had oxygen infusions! That is weird, huh? In this place nature and culture were completely interwoven, stories were taken as facts and facts were made into stories. What was true was both very complicated and crystal clear, because even fake was true and the truth was fake. I realized: in this place my childish believe about the pinecone I once dug up would be just as real as you are. Or even: it would be a part of you.

This last thing is why I am writing you this e-mail. Because – by realizing this I actually managed to fall in love with you again. For real. I hope we will start of at a better page this time. I was thinking: what would you think about travelling back to this one valley together? It would be fun! Think about it… You can look for the place in the atlas. It is called Shangri-La, and is situated at 93 B5.


Best,
Mirka

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from: N
to: giant
subject: -
date: Dec 31, 2015 at 12:00:00 AM


dear Giant,

Hello my old firend

I wonder how are you doing these days? It has been a long time since we were departed. I couldn’t even recognise your face, only the soft touch from your skeleton hands that I recall.


Did you remember our first meet?

Yes, I know. I was only 10-years-old at that time and I didn’t expect that you will really come.

I called you form the abyss that day because I was very angry with my brother and I needed you come to punish him, badly.

You weren’t show up that day but the day after and I was surprised that you really heard my voice. Since then, you followed me like shadow and you never let me go. I have to say that I had a lot joy keeping you as a company but at some point I have to run away from you because you are too overwhelming. I barely have friend because of you.

So, one day, in my 22, I left you without saying goodbye and I am very sorry about that.


Yes, I left you to another giant.


Speaking of which, my new giant is totally different from you. The new giant has no entity, no soul. He is nothingness. He doesn’t come from the abyss but from everywhere. He let me do whatever I want and he doesn’t judge or project anything. He doesn’t even care my pain and suffering, not like you who does care me and feel my pain. Only thing that new giant told me to do when I got hurt is to transform to be a river.

Thus, when I suffer I try to be river. Although, I never success becoming river, the moment I try to flow, calm me down. Then I can understand my suffer better than before.

But what’s the point? being suffered or happy…


Till now, I don’t know what to tell you more …but I really do miss you sometimes and I wish we could meet up again.


love,

N

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from: Rosanne Pel
to: Nina Jan
subject: let us speak about
date: Jun 30, 2015 at 9:29:00 PM


Dear Nina,

You have been waiting long for this email.
And it is not the most spontaneous mail I have written so far, but I hope it will be anyway something useful for the both of us.

I do not want to literally address this email to my giant. But rather I address it to you in specific, to tell something about what a 'Giant' means for me.

I am thinking of two giants, - or no, three giants - which are somehow connected with each other.
My, lets say, 'first giant' would be the thoughts of Hannah Arendt, on which I based my own work.

And my personal giant would be the conflict with my shyness and my curiosity as a maker. Both my shyness and my curiosity are giant's for me.
If something would have been of any importance during the master of film. It would be my 'discovery' of Arendt. It meant for me a liberation. As a maker. As an human being. Struggle and the liberation.

Let us speak about that!

Rosanne